Sannel Larson

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Living with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - I'm Not Giving Up!


Thank you Max for helping me through my days!
One year ago today, on April 17th, 2012, I was urgently hospitalized for severe depression. Years of pain and exhaustion, going from one doctor to another, who did not believe me, or having me try out medication for about anything and everything, that in the end made me feel like a test-lab rat, finally made me lose all my will to go on living. By not eating, I figured my heart would not take it in the end, and then my everyday excruciating pain and exhaustion would end. 

If it had not been for my husband at the time, and my best girlfriend, I do not think, I would be sitting here today. Because of their action, by taking me to the hospital where I was put under close surveillance and regularly fed, until I was strong enough - in my mind and body – I was then able to bounce back and
continue living my life again.

Being hit with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has completely changed my life. From being a very active woman all my life, being in charge of myself, confident, self motivated and fun, I now feel useless, dependent and boring. I get really frustrated because I still feel like the old me but my body can't keep up. I get really tired and feel nobody really understands what a struggle it is to keep going. Life is not too much fun any more.

Not a second, a minute a day goes by, that I am not in pain. However, I have found ways to cope with most of the pain. But living in a permanent fog where I can't even think straight is affecting me and life in general. I am so tired all the time that I can't do much and I have stopped socializing more or less, due to widespread pain.

Looking back over the year, I'll admit, it has not been easy. I still suffer with excruciating pain and debilitating fatigue every single day and night. I still feel the depression creep up, and I have to fight it off through prayer, and my love for writing keeps my mind on track.

What has changed during this past year? Well, I'm not ready to give up. I love everything life has to offer. I was blessed with a life, and I'm so grateful waking up every morning to a new day. Yes, I admit, I really want the old me back, but until then, I will not give up on life that's so very precious.

Haiga by Sannel Larson

18 comments:

  1. You are a fighter my dear! It is a wonderful thing to be able to look through your disease and still love and be loved--Hang in there--keep fighting and keep loving

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice, Love, and shared!

    One smile at a time, wonderful friend and counselor, many helpers smile along with you, your husband, best friend, and {Max} too . . .

    a fiend who is AFC

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your post had me going for a moment as I catch up with your happenings, Sannel. I thought it was yesterday you were hospitalized rather than a year ago. It is said that if you can do anything for a year that it will make you stronger. Here is to better times when you will feel more like your old self, strong, confident and vibrant. You rock, friend. Be well. Sending energy your way. I love-love-love the pic of Max who looks so much like my Buckwheat of many years ago. Sweet.
    Love, Peg

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi, Sannel! Well, I know I am just one of many who are so glad you are still here! You have so much to offer this world; your caring and compassion bring such light into a world that is dark enough! Thanks for your transparency and honesty in your struggles living with Fibro and CFS. You're showing by example that it's OK to do so and that will make it easier for other sufferers to cope. You too, for that matter. With every blog post, your readers become more understanding and educated. It can only be a good thing! Thank you, dear friend. Sending my best thoughts your way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello Sannel, I have been told by another Fibromyalgia suffer that listening to music sometimes helps distract from the pain. Grab a set of headphones and give it a try. (I have no medical training and this is just a caring suggestion.) You are certainly not useless, with so much to give.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sannel, I understand completely. I am in the same boat right now. Since my divorce started and my move (and also losing my grandmother in November) I felt as if my Fibromyalgia and CFS was triggered even worse than ever before. Not only am I in constant pain and depressed, I also have been hit with the worst anxiety I have ever had in at least 10 years. I cannot go out, I don't socialize, I cannot even begin to think of going to a restaurant to sit down for fear of panic attacks. I am awake maybe 6 hours a day and sleeping 12-15 hours but waking up feeling even more worn out...I applaud you for fighting this fight, and you inspire me to keep pushing myself with the hope that I can get better again...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Audrey, thank you for those encouraging and lovely words! I'll keep fighting and loving in every way I can, I promise!
    I appreciate your time. Take care,
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you, Sir Stremmus!
    Hugs,
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello Peg! Thank you, my dear. Yes, every setback in life will make us stronger in some way. It's an experience, that hopefully, will make us appreciate life as it's supposed to be - not take it for granted, and be happy with what we have. My sweet Max is my everyday companion. I do not know what I would do with out him. He has been my rock for the past 12 years.
    Thank you for your time, and for your wonderful and encouraging comment.
    God Bless and hugs,
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are the sweet one, pretty lady. Keep close to that beautiful Max and give him a big doggy hug from his Aunt Peg.
      Love

      Delete
    2. Awww, thank you, Peg! Max really appreciated that hug and sends his most delightful woff, woff back to his sweet Aunt Peg.
      Love,
      Sannel

      Delete
  10. Rick, your visits and comments always brings me much joy and encouragement.Because of you and many other dear loyal friends and followers, you have helped me through this difficult year. If you only knew, how much your support and friendship has meant to me. It's something I look forward to every day.
    Take care, my friend.
    Sending hugs your way,
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mike, yes, it's true, it helps sometimes, when I'm not in too much pain. However, most of the time, the sound hurts my hearing so much, it becomes quite painful and unbearable. I used to listen to music all the time, or having the TV on in the background. Today that's impossible. The pain in my ears can bring tears to my eyes. Every suggestion is welcome, so thank you, my friend. I truly appreciate it.
    Hugs,
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello Dreaming Causally!
    Oh, I understand completely. Even the smallest form of stress will make the symptoms worse. Much, much worse! And here we are talking about divorce and loss of your grandmother! Oh, I know what that's doing to you, and it's not nice!! I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. I know stress is really bad for me. If I feel stressed over anything, it will have a negative effect immediately. It can easily get me into severe depression. Anxiety attacks are horrible. However, there are good medication to help you with them. Give them a try! Your doctor will help you out there, as long as you tell him. If he/she doesn't, go to another doctor. It's worth it to find a doctor who understands, believe me, I know.
    Best of luck to you!
    I'm here if you ever need to talk.
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are a true inspirtaion Sannel;even through your pain you are able to share beauty with all of us .
    Thank you so very much.
    Eddy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Eddy, how sweet and kind you are!
    Thank you so much.
    God Bless,
    Sannel

    ReplyDelete
  15. Mitch, I know. . . thank you!

    ReplyDelete

Your lovely comments are my reward.
Thank you !